


Get Down With The Sickness

by Marvel_or_Bust



Category: Captain America, Marvel
Genre: Captain America Fanfiction, F/M, Marvel fanfiction, Reader Insert, Steve Rogers Imagine, Steve Rogers One Shot, Steve Rogers fanfiction, steve rogers / reader - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-26
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2019-01-05 20:07:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12196512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marvel_or_Bust/pseuds/Marvel_or_Bust
Summary: Steve goes MIA. Will he want to be found?





	Get Down With The Sickness

You pushed your way through the broken down building, listening to wind whistle through the cracks throughout the building while particles of debris crunch beneath your boots. You can see your breath as you continue through the bones of the house.   
After weeks of trying to track Steve down you finally located him in an abandon building. You never would have guessed that Captain America would be able to disappear as well as Barnes had so long ago but you were wrong. If he had not slipped up, being spotted at a gas station, you would have not caught up to him for another month or two. It was more than just the feeling of left behind, it’s the ache you got from just trying to catch up to him.   
You believed you all had been doing well in Wakanda. Yes, it was far from what you had once called home, missing the familiar sounds of Bruce starting the coffee maker in the morning. Or Tony, shushing himself when he carefully removes shot glasses from the cubbards (receiving a side glance from Bruce.) Even Vision phasing through the side corner of the kitchen giving them both miniature heart attacks. The ones that Steve had rescued from the oceanic prison- Sam, Clint, Scott and Wanda, attempted to piece their lives back together. Clint went back to his farm and Scott could not bring himself to stay away from his daughter- even though he would be arrested on sight- that was a chance he was willing to take. Currently Sam had begun training with T'Challa and Wanda still was getting back to being herself after being in isolation. Shortly after Bucky was put in a Cryogenic sleeping pod for the time being while T'Challas best brainstormed for ways to remove the triggers in his head. Little did anyone know that this had been the last straw for Steve.Now night clung to the windows and the walls, leaving a heavy chill in its ascent. You climb the rickety staircase to the closed off room at the end of the darkened hall. Inhaling quietly you brace yourself for the worst on the other side of the door. What happened if he was injured or if he had found out and it was just a decoy? You refused to accept this could possibly be another dead end. Grasping the doorknob firmly and shoving it with the side of your shoulder, it gives way with a loud CREEK.  
“Steve, what- what have you been doing to yourself?” You question him, your voice almost a whisper when it passes your lips. You pause leaning on the paint peeling doorframe. You sigh when he fails to respond. Removing your eyes from the boarded up window to your right, you follow the moonlight cascading down onto Steves form curled up on a stained mattress laid upon the dirtied floor. “Come on Steve ” you walk over towards him, exhaling heavily while listening to your boots echo off the splintered floor boards. It hurt your heart to see him like this- fragile and damaged. Kneeling down you struggle to make him face you, carefully removing a gold flask from his fingers and turning him over onto his side. For a moment you become worried until you see his chest slightly dip releasing a shallow breath. “Captain?” You speak soothingly looking over his physique. His civilian clothes are disheveled and reek of his dire surroundings.   
“How many times am I gonna have to tell you to stop callin’ me that?” He slurs, coughing a few times to clear his throat. His eyes are watery and a deep shade of crimson when he looks over at you. He props himself up onto his elbows rolling his eyes when he realizes who it is. You look away quickly knowing he would hate for you to have seen him broken spirited when he sobered up,   
“Sorry hun, guess you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” You reply with a grunt taking a seat beside him. You wear a small smile that fails to reach your eyes and Steve briefly wonders if you are disappointed in him. After all, he had accepted the responsibility of captain to begin with. Had he really read through the fine print of what all that entailed before jumping at the chance to lead the others?  
You sit beside him for awhile watching him stare at the ceiling for what feels like ages.   
“I thought I was dead to you?” He speaks with a gravely voice and a smack of his lips. 

“Congratulations on your resurrection.“ You sass smirking as you watch a speck of dust float across your vision.

"Why are you here y/n?”

“You know why.”

“I’m not going back. I can’t. And unless you’re here to tell me anything about Bucky-”

“I’m sorry. Did you just tell me that ‘You can’t?’ Don’t you think you atleast owe it to the others?”

Steve rubs his tearless eyes straightening up, leaning his back against the wall and wrapping his arms around his legs, “I couldn’t save them all. God knows I tried. Shit. I’m such a fucking disappointment aren’t I?”He meets your eyes again you turn away afraid you would come undone as well.   
“Steve-”

“I’m sorry for just falling apart on you like this. I’m sure this wasn’t what you had in mind when you decided to join us, did you? You had pictured being a hero I bet, not a fugitive running daily for your freedom. I’ve ruined everyone’s lives- Barton’s, Wilson’s,- yours…”

“This isn’t your-”

“Ofcourse it is!” He rasps reaching out towards the flask you had moved to the side of him. He could feel his throat tighten when he speaks the truth of the situation to you. You were right, he had caused far worse things to happen in the last year. He takes a big swig of the contents, some of it dribbles into his unkempt beard. You cannot hide the face of disgust you make. This was far from the man you would have willingly put your life on the line for, did that person even exist anymore?

“Is that what I think it is?” You ask, yanking it from his hand.  
You watched his eyes dodge you, resisting the urge to scream,“Hey! no, give that back.”

“You can’t do this to yourself, Steve. You’re a force of good! You’re supposed to be a hero!”

“…then you can say that this is my well earned vacation.” 

You stood up sniffing the lip of the container, tilting your head back you take a gulp. The beverage is like fire touching your tongue. You begin to cough and sputter causing Steve to let out a deep chuckle. He turns away with tears in his eyes and rubs some sweat from his brow. Your eyes widen as you spit the contents across the floor in front of you.“I knew it!” You wipe your mouth on your sleeve. “So this is what you’ve been doing? Sulking, getting drunk and having a… a pity party?!”

“Y/n you don’t understand- I need that.”

“No, you don’t!” Your voice breaks and Steve notices it yet dismisses it just as quick. He refused to give you any satisfaction that you were getting to him. 

“Yes I do! This is the ONLY way I can get away from the -”

“What? Guilt? You left me Rogers!” You stopped yourself calming your tone, yelling would not solve anything at this point. “You left all of us.”

“Psssh! You’re fine. Sam and the king, they’re more than capable of helping you adjust to this new life. I mean look at Sam- honorable, responsible and good natured, he should be your captain… not me.”

“How can you say that? This is not the Steve Rogers I know. The Steve I know wouldn’t take this lying down.”

“You’re so sure of yourself aren’t you? You know me so much better than anyone, right?” 

“Steve, I know what you’re trying to do, you’re pushing me away and it’s not going to work. Simply because I won’t let you, I’m stubborn too, remember?”

“Really.. ” he trailed off composing himself. He neared you, his shadow upon on the wall engulfing yours as he approached. Even looking as rough as he does he manages to intimidate you more than you let on. Tightening your fists you stand your ground, jutting your face up to meet his.   
“Care to test that theory?” He speaks low, the voice rumbling from his chest. His eyes never waver from yours when he swallows and clenches his jaw. Your expression faltered looking into his eyes, feeling unsure where to go from here. Was he challenging you? If so what was your next move? Geez this had never happened before.   
“If you think for a second that I’m going to just let you disappear on me and the others- who are counting on you by the way- you’re sadly mistaken.” You say with a slow but firm shake of your head. 

“Then you just must be as stupid and nieve as I thought you were y/n.”

You scoff running your tongue across your teeth sucking in a breath, “You don’t really mean that.”

“Yes I do”

“No. Like I said before, you’re just trying to push me away. You’re pushing us all away little by little. Was this your plan all along? Dump us off and go at it- alone? But you’re here, in some flea infested, rotted, run down, ramshackle house drunk off your super soldier ass!”

“Well you’d know better than most about me disappointing others right? After all, you have first hand experience in that department, doll.”

“Everything’s not always about you!” You yell and it surprises the both of you. You had been telling yourself when you found him that you would be calm and understanding and all you had managed to do was bicker with him. “I know you don’t want to admit that together we were awful…”  
Watching you fight with yourself Steve knew he had finally hit a nerve. “Is that want you told yourself? How long was it before you started looking at Bucky more than a friend hmm? A week, a month?”

“I had hoped maybe separately and very, very far apart we could be adequate. Then everyone became split and people started choosing sides…” You let out a shaky breath making yourself focus on the real problem at hand. “Look. Look at me Rogers, I’m not doing this with you! We tried obviously it didn’t work. Now, we have more pressing matters that need your - OUR attention.”

“I tried to separate love from pain, loss from hope, but you were always stuck between them” He scoffs sniffing. He shakes his head and rests his hands on his hips, “Can I ask you something? How long it was before his name was the one you were screaming?”

You felt your eyes well up with unseen tears, before your hand connected with his jaw. You grown muttering under your breath, pretty sure you had broken a finger or two with that move. “You really put the ass in asgardian liquor Rogers.” You retort gripping your quickly swelling hand. Steve snickers turning away from you. He bends down snatching the flask from the splintered floor. Grasping his hands together like prayer, he holds on to the flask for dear life. He glanced briefly over to you folding your arms, assuring you it had been a mistake coming here. “ Yes, I know you’re hurting and yes I was a bitch or a whore if you prefer-”

“You said it not me.” He exclaims looking back towards you. 

“But I’m here now with our past behind us, wanting my captain to come back and bring us hope once more. Not for me, you owe me nothing- but you do owe those who have believed in you from the beginning. You’re never supposed to admit it when you gave up. We’re all just walking around pretending- praying that we still have a chance.”

“Oh please stop with the bullshit y/n!”

“It’s true. You think you can just drown your demons out by drinking? Who are you, Stark now? Gonna call him up since now you’re both on the same level of self loathing and become best buddies? you disgust me!” You say lunging for the bottle in his hand. His eyes widen when he understands what you are going for. Without an ounce of hesitation, he moves quickly bringing a hand swiftly to your chest pushing you towards the far wall. You wear a mutual expression of shock when your back quickly comes in contact with the cold, rough concrete. Steve shuts his eyes when you let out a scream of pain, crumbling onto the floor. He turns back to you stopping just steps from you. Steve looks over his calloused hands then to your slowly struggling form. He had never meant to hurt you, raising a hand to a lady was not his way. He had officially become a monster.  
“Y/n! What have I done?” His voice cracks, wanting to touch you yet afraid he would cause more harm than good. Lifting your head up, blood and spit cling to your gums. That had been completely unexpected and you did not know what to anticipate next. A line had been crossed and suddenly everything had changed. Letting out a cough you disturbed the layer of dust on the floor, causing it to form a small billowing cloud. Steve bends over to help you extending his shaking arms when you flinch away, chest heaving while your mind tries to wrap around the incident that just took place. “Don’t touch me.” You hiss waving him away.

“Y/n I’m sorry, I -”

No. No you’re not. You clearly have a differed agenda that includes your self destruction. I shouldn’t have come, I see that now and understand what I must do.“ Carefully lifting yourself upward you limp, supporting yourself along the wall. "It’s not my fault you’re messed up. It’s not my fault you got hurt so many times. It’s only my fault for being so happy when you wanted me to help you. I wanted to be a cure trust me when I say I truly did. But I never wanted to be your punching bag.”

“God damnit y/n! Please, l- I didn’t mean it!” He runs a pale hand through his long hair, “you know I never meant to hit you ever. Let me help you. I told you it was a mistake to come out here. Look at what’s happened!” His cheeks were flush with embarrassment. 

“Yes, you’ve made it clear you want nothing to do with us. I know now and I know what I must do.” You swallow as you observe Steves movement towards you. “You stay out here right? Not wanting to be found?” You speak making Steve weary of you. You carefully remove the bug from his leather jacket balled up on the floor, dropping it below your boot and crushing the plastic piece underneath. “There. You are officially off the grid.” You give him a smile that chills him to the core. His brow is knitted together watching you,“So what does that mean?”

“You were right and I was wrong.” You turn half way facing him, “This will be the last time I ever make this mistake again.” Your voice made the hair on Steves neck stand up and for the life of him he did not know why. He had broken you, your spirit and anything that made you believe in him.   
“Ok. Well good. Make sure you don’t.” He lowly speaks behind you reopening the flask in his pale bruised fingers while you make your way back down the lonely hall. 

———– one month later—-

This had to be the worst plan you ever had. Squatting outside a hidden in plain sight Hydra facility, you took a deep breath hyping yourself to go in. Your nerves where making you overly excited. The thrill of your current plan or die trying was all you felt you had left after that visit with Steve. You had not wanted to go in guns a blazing but you felt there would not be any other choice. This was a hard group not only to infiltrate but also to communicate with. Not to mention you had already shot and killed twelve of their men so far, you foresaw a lot of sweet talk in your future.   
Once you made it in you let yourself get taken and relieved of your weapons. Hands behind your head and a sack over your face you did your best to map out the area in your mind while you were lead through the labyrinth of halls and rooms. Coming to an abrupt halt you were pushed into a room and seated. Shortly after the dark sack was removed from your head. You squinted around the room as the bright lights shone above you.   
Sitting patiently, drumming your fingers on the hollowed table- for what felt like an eternity, the gray steel door opened revealing a tall slender man wearing a black tactile suit. He clears his throat dropping a brown folder before you then releasing you from your binds. He moves to sit across from you in the white wall room.“So agent y/n Y/l/n, my men tell me you have the locations of the disbanded avengers?”

Yes, I do.“ You respond mechanically lacking any emotion in your voice. It took only a handful of minutes for you to destroy all SHIELD had been trying to protect. “Perhaps some of us weren’t cut out to be good people. We’re the sleaze the world needs.” You trail off reassuring yourself your are making the right choice by doing this, that it was the only foreseeable way. 

“Do you mind if I ask why the sudden change of heart?” His eyes flick from the file to you, resting his head in his hands. “As we recall you also where one of Captain Rogers righteous right hand soldiers. What makes us want to trust you and not slit that soft little neck of yours?”

“You could say I have found that the grass is greener on this side of the fence.” you smile wearing a toothy grin as you open the file placed before you, containing paperwork and photos of every Avenger you had once called an ally- family. After some time the man hums to himself closing the folder.  
“Well looks like we are In for a mutual partnership for the time being, don’t you agree?”

If Steve refused to fight for the others and for himself, you would bring the fight to him. He would no longer be able to avoid the responsibility he had been given. Then, with his most dearest to him threatened, you believed he would have no choice but to return to conquer the threat. You knew what you are, You are a sacrifice that must be made. You try not to feel guilty about what happens next. With an exhale, you shake your head making the final decision. “Hail Hydra.”

**Author's Note:**

> Ahh, back home with the angst. Let me know what you think in the comments below and thank you for reading! ❤️


End file.
